BBQ and First Impressions

I think my first mistake that night was wearing Khaki pants.

Someone told me (after that night's event) that fat guys should not wear light colors. I guess that's because it makes us look bigger by causing shadows and accentuating the negatives. But I had not yet been given that fashion advice. Besides, my issues that night were not fashion related.

I was attending the semi-formal dinner that night with my new boss and a Senior Vice President of my company.

As I sat down at the fully set table, I skillfully took the linen napkin out of the wine glass and laid it accross my lap.

As the dinner proceeded, this boy who grew up in the Ozarks was doing a great job of holding his own socially. I even knew which fork to use and when. It wasn't very smart of me to order ribs in such a situation as they became messy to eat and I had to wipe my hands quietly on my lap napkin without making a fuss.

I was pretty sure I had made the right impressions. We cruised through the courses and past dessert without a hitch.

As the waiter was clearing our table, he knelt down and picked up something beside me, "Sir, you've dropped your napkin, would you like another?"

With bright eyes, I stared straight ahead, not daring to look down. The aching pit in my stomach developed as I remembered how many times I had wiped the rib juice on my lap napkin (or what I thought was my lap napkin).

Looking down, I could see that my khaki pants had been smudged with BBQ sauce as if a kindergartner had been finger painting beneath the table. Internally, I panicked. Outwardly, I fidgeted. How could I walk out without them noticing? With family or friends, I could just laugh it off, but with these two heavy hitters I would've come off as Dufas J. Nimrod!

Luckily, the lighting was dim and I was able to escape the embarrassment by holding my briefcase in front of me.

Note to self: Neither BBQ or Khaki, should be worn by a fat guy!