Hello all! Those who know me, know I am on my second round of parenting. Or as I say, Parenting part Deux.
Now that I have some perspective with which to look back, I am convinced I did some of my best parenting before I even had any kids, I had all the answers then. Now I realize I have fewer answers but more questions.
My first four children are all now grown young ladies and one is a great mother to my first grandchild. My second round consists of a spirited nine year old boy (bluesbro).
As I examine my experiences in child rearing, I realize I have formed opinions and have theories unproven. I have began to wonder if some of the parenting I see so prevalent around me actually leads to the greater good for which its intended. For example, there seems to be an unquenchable yearning for parent's to have their kids read earlier, run better, look smarter, and speak clearer than all the other kids. I have become less and less impressed when people tell me their child is in the gifted and talented program at school, or can recite scripture before they are out of diapers.
My first daughter walked at eight months old. I used to love the attention we got because she was toddling around when she should've been crawling. But now that she is grown with a little one of her own, she appears to walk just about like everyone else. I am not sure the fact that she walked early had any benefit later in her life.
As an analytical person, I have wondered if there any studies that show a child who reads earlier, walks sooner, counts higher, is any better off at adulthood than children who do these things in the natural course of learning with their peers. In other words, is a boy that can recite the Gettysburg Address at 8 any better off in life at 28?
Please, don't get me wrong. I do believe we owe it to our children to provide an atmosphere and experiences to be the best they can be. Otherwise, we've sold them short in life.
I think we all realize that bragging about our children is an acceptable part of parenting and is really more about us (the parents) than it is the child. To say, "My Suzy is so smart, they put her ahead a grade!" is really to say, "I am such a good parent" or "I have given her such great genes".
If we listed all the people in life that we admire (whether it be professionally, philosophically, or we think they are just a great person), would it be a list of people who read Shakespeare at 5 and were all A's, or were they more likely good students who got B's and a few C's, yet their childhood was a little more well rounded and they felt safe and loved growing up?
Let me ask you: When you think of your childhood, what memories give you warm feelings. Was it the fact that you were in the top of your fourth grade class on the standardized test? I doubt it.
To what end do we push our children? What life outcome are we hoping for? Will the things we do get them there? Adulthood will come soon enough, but now is their only chance to be a kid.
Now that I have some perspective with which to look back, I am convinced I did some of my best parenting before I even had any kids, I had all the answers then. Now I realize I have fewer answers but more questions.
My first four children are all now grown young ladies and one is a great mother to my first grandchild. My second round consists of a spirited nine year old boy (bluesbro).
As I examine my experiences in child rearing, I realize I have formed opinions and have theories unproven. I have began to wonder if some of the parenting I see so prevalent around me actually leads to the greater good for which its intended. For example, there seems to be an unquenchable yearning for parent's to have their kids read earlier, run better, look smarter, and speak clearer than all the other kids. I have become less and less impressed when people tell me their child is in the gifted and talented program at school, or can recite scripture before they are out of diapers.
My first daughter walked at eight months old. I used to love the attention we got because she was toddling around when she should've been crawling. But now that she is grown with a little one of her own, she appears to walk just about like everyone else. I am not sure the fact that she walked early had any benefit later in her life.
As an analytical person, I have wondered if there any studies that show a child who reads earlier, walks sooner, counts higher, is any better off at adulthood than children who do these things in the natural course of learning with their peers. In other words, is a boy that can recite the Gettysburg Address at 8 any better off in life at 28?
Please, don't get me wrong. I do believe we owe it to our children to provide an atmosphere and experiences to be the best they can be. Otherwise, we've sold them short in life.
I think we all realize that bragging about our children is an acceptable part of parenting and is really more about us (the parents) than it is the child. To say, "My Suzy is so smart, they put her ahead a grade!" is really to say, "I am such a good parent" or "I have given her such great genes".
If we listed all the people in life that we admire (whether it be professionally, philosophically, or we think they are just a great person), would it be a list of people who read Shakespeare at 5 and were all A's, or were they more likely good students who got B's and a few C's, yet their childhood was a little more well rounded and they felt safe and loved growing up?
Let me ask you: When you think of your childhood, what memories give you warm feelings. Was it the fact that you were in the top of your fourth grade class on the standardized test? I doubt it.
To what end do we push our children? What life outcome are we hoping for? Will the things we do get them there? Adulthood will come soon enough, but now is their only chance to be a kid.
6 comments:
When others told me all the things (grown up) my children needed to be doing, I would say they have 17 to 18 years to be a child and the rest of theirl ife to be an adult.Only one of my children wanted to be an adult at 12 and up. The others are still having a happy life in their late 40's and at 29. The 29 year old is trying to have fun all of his life.
Excelent post little brudder
Late 40s? Whaaa? Tee,hee
I heard a question once, Is it better for your child to be Smart or Good? I hope for good, the smart is a bonus.
Good post, you Rock!
Is this blog entry spurred by the comment I said last week to you that my daughter was a terrific soccer player? :)
Of course not Lisa. Now, if you'd told me how great of a soccer player she was AND she could recite Shakespere at the same time, THEN maybe I was talking about you.
It's natural (and good for the child) to be proud of them being good at what they like to do!
May I say one another thing. When my group was much younger three of them made A's had good art and music talents. Two were C average with no talents to really talk about. They all did well with life but one ofthe two became the best mother I have ever known and lots and lots of good frinds. The other is a songwriter and an excellent entertainer and can cook with the best of them. Its good to have children that excell in things but those that don't will find their own.
I'm thankful I learn that about life. Now if only I could spell.
I found you through Mindyluwho, and have read through a bunch of your posts, captivated. I really enjoyed them.
This post is one I couldn't agree with more. We homeschool our kids, and my 8 year old taught himself to read when he was three. Of course we thought it was neat, but I have spent much time since then helping him to become well-rounded, not just into one aspect of academia.
There were people who were quite impressed and didn't believe me that we didn't spend hours teaching him. One gal I knew kept asking me how I did it. She's Asian, and they're rather known for pushing their kids. Her son who was the same age wasn't reading like mine, and she was frustrated for it. No matter what I said, I think she thought we had to have been doing something special.
Sometimes I just don't get why people don't want their kids to be innocent and childlike a bit longer.
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